Breaking Point
by LovePeeta
Summary: One-shot, songfic. Mockingjay spoilers! Katniss allows herself a vulnerable moment to miss Peeta while she is in 13 and he is still at the Capitol. I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat Please R&R!


**MOCKINGJAY SPOILERS!**

**This is a one-shot songfic to I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat. I have wanted to write something like this for a long time, and the inspiration finally hit me when I heard this beautiful song. The story takes place in the middle of the rebellion before Peeta is rescued. Please review to let me know what you think! :)**

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, quotations from the novel, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The song I Never Told You belongs to Colbie Caillat. No copyright infringement intended.**

I glanced across the room to see Prim curled up next to my mother as they slept. They seemed to be adjusting fairly well to our new life in District 13. My mother worked in the hospital, and Prim was being trained to become a doctor. The only one who didn't welcome 13's hospitality with open arms was me. As nice as the people were, this would never be my home. Too much was missing. I continued to toss and turn, unable to sleep. It was for that reason that I had my own bed. But what was the point? Even if I could sleep, the horrifying images that haunted my waking hours would weave their way into my nightmares.

I decided there would be no sleep tonight, so I sat up and reached inside the government-issued drawer. My hand didn't have to feel along the wooden surface very long before I found what I was looking for. I pushed myself up into a sitting position as I slid the pearl out of the parachute and brought it to my lips. Peeta. He had been in Snow's hands for weeks. I couldn't even let my mind think of the unspeakable horrors he could have gone through, was going through. Why didn't they rescue him when they rescued me? I had already heard Haymitch's explanation, but I couldn't accept it. I only clung to the promise that Peeta would be pardoned for anything the capitol made him do if I become the symbol of the rebellion, the Mockingjay. But that wasn't enough. I needed Peeta here with me. In the dark silence of the compartment, away from the pressure to maintain my composure, I allowed myself to miss Peeta.

_I miss those blue eyes  
How you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep_

The need to feel his arms around me was crushing down on me with unbearable weight. How was I ever supposed to be whole again without him here to hold me together? The only time I actually felt safe as I slept was when he was next to me.

_I see your blue eyes  
Everytime I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong to  
When I'm not around you  
It's like I'm not with me_

Every time I shut my eyes, I could only see Peeta. Strapped to a table, bloody as the Peacekeepers beat him. Alone in a prison cell, being tortured for information that he did not have. How many times had I watched him die in my nightmares? The images changed constantly, but none of them brought me comfort. The only image of Peeta that brought me comfort was the one from the beach in the arena, of all places. His blue eyes had stared into mine with passion, a hunger. We kissed, and it wasn't enough for either of us. Even that memory always caused me to wake up screaming. It haunted my dreams because it was gone. He was gone. I still hadn't given a name to what I felt for Peeta. All I knew was that he wasn't with me anymore, and I was gone too.

_But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in_

As I sat with my back against the wall and my head pressed against my knees, I realized what I was missing. It wasn't just my sanity that had been taken to the capitol with Peeta. It was my love. I was in love with Peeta. As soon as my mind acknowledged it, I knew it was true. I almost laughed. Maybe I truly was "mentally disoriented", as the bracelet on my wrist claimed. I looked at the empty space next to me, and the humor I had found before disappeared. Peeta, the boy that I was in love with, was being held prisoner at the Capitol. They could be torturing him or, worse, he could be dead. There was a chance that I would never see him again. His piercing blue eyes, his lips brushing against mine, his arms that were my only refuge from the world... The very thought made my chest ache. It was as if I could feel myself physically breaking. What would my world be without him? I didn't want to find out. I knew that in the morning I would have to be strong and put on a brave face as the Mockingjay. But strong was the last thing I felt. So I sat there, clutching the pearl as if it were Peeta's hand. I had never been so alone.

_And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you_


End file.
